Most people don't know this, but Melvino isn't the first Melvino. The original Melvino was born Malcolm Irving O'Daftpants in 1923 to a happy clown family recently immigrated from Scoffland. He grew up dreaming of making others laugh on the vaudeville stage, practicing his skills as a tree ventriloquist and almost inventing the unicycle. But when the clown war was declared he knew he had to join, so he marched straight to the recruiting office and enlisted in the 43rd Seltzer Bottle Artillery Brigade, eventually reaching the rank of Colonel. After a distinguished military career he retired with honors and lived out the rest of his days in Patagonia.